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One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?